Let's get lost tonight

I've kept a Myspace account to keep tabs on my "friends" Jenna fischer, Angela Kinsey, and Fred Armisen. I've been disappointed at the lack of new material they've been posting. Fred doesn't even have an account anymore. So lame. So this  morning I decided to check out Twitter. I had previously told myself that I would never do this, and was really annoyed about how much everyone talked about it, but I regret nothing. 
Twitter is so great! So many cool / famous people have accounts. 

Rainn Wilson and Mindy Kaling from The Office are on it. Then there's people like Lindsay Lohan and Kim Kardashian, who are fun to follow because I don't think they realize (or care?) how much drama their tweets can stir up. It's a public relations disaster waiting to happen!!

Not overrated. 

I think I'm over all my failure from last semester. Okay, I'm not, but I'm ready to share some hilarious quotes from my CanLit class that I took with Kelsey.
Our teacher, Yvonne Trainer, was partially responsible for me never wanting to learn anything again. She's a miserable person who pretty much hates everything and everyone. She spent all class talking about all the people she's read with, complaining about how students don't care enough to come to class and how she cried in her office about it. I usually came to class, but she still hated me. 

She always liked to brag about all the authors she'd met:

"Rober Kroetsch is still alive, I've met him a couple of times. He's old though, so he probably doesn't do readings anymore"

"I met Northrop Fry before he died"

"Has anyone here met Ondaajte? I was on a committee with him. He is such an intense man, it was like 'how does this man get through an entire day?' "

"met him probably 15 or 20 times. He invited me to U of M. He was retiring"

Rudys been very good to me -personally- over time"

"I had the opportunity to read with Al Purdy several years ago. It was just part of his persona to pinch women's bottoms. He's dead now"

"I was at his house. CBC was there, a film crew was there"

She said some other weird things:

on working at Mount Royal: "I've never been in a place that feeds us so much liquor!"
on mental health: " I hope no one here is suicidal, I just put a bunch of ideas into your heads"
"I can pick out on the street who's schizophrenic!"

I wrote some things on my papers to show to Kelsey:

"I HATE YPRES!!!"
"Kelsey feels that Canadian writer Al Purdy is sexist. I made a note in my text saying he was sexy"
"It's hard to hang up streamers alone. That's why it's not a party unless there are three people"
"Too shy to admit I knew the French word for novel. Teacher must KNOW that I'm schizophrenic"
"Dora - nurse - total lesbian, not like the immoral filth that is The English Patient"
"I don't understand ANY of this"

I realize that this might not be funny to those who do not know this teacher or who did not attend the class, but I wrote down her quotes with the intention of posting some of them on the internet for others to see. Quest completed!




 

Ten random things about yourself.
10. I microwaved / internally burned the tip of my right pinky.
9. Sometimes I read textsfromlastnight because it makes my life seem so much better in comparison.
8. I'm never going to watch The Wizard of Oz.
7. I get really annoyed by change.
6. I'm not lazy - I just enjoy doing nothing.
5. I always get really thirsty before I go to bed.
4. Today I watched youtube videos of people destroying wasp nests - there were some creative ones.
3. Music doesn't mean that much to me anymore.
2. I still haven't grown out of my "teenage" phase.
1. The more I learn, the more I hate the world.

Nine movies that you enjoy. ( I don't really like movies, but I'll try)
9. Hot Rod
8. The Silence of the Lambs
7. Donnie Darko
6. Wrist Cutters: a Love Story
5. Napolean Dynamite 
4. Juno
3. Lord of the Rings ( Fellowship is my fave)
2. Pan's Labyrinth 
1. Little Miss Sunshine

Eight things that you hate.
8. People who take themselves too seriously.
7. When you wear nail polish and it leaves marks on the keys of your brand-new keyboard.
6. Drunk Danielle. 
5. The English Patient.
4. Having to make up fake opinions for persuasive essays.
3. When people point.
2. Peer pressure.
1. When people think they need to travel and move around in order to have a full life, and can't just be happy wherever they are.

Seven things you did today.
7. Knit.
6. Ate a strawberry fudge parfait from Mike's.
5. Yelled that I was drunk at Wal*Mart to embarrass my mom. (it didn't work)
4. Thought about things
3. Watched Corner Gas.
2. Did laundry.
1. Brushed my dog.

Six adjectives you'd use to describe yourself.
6. Negative
5. Socially-impaired
4. Dangerous
3. Easily Amused
2. Predictable
1. Cool

Five things you are thinking now.
5. Do I have bad taste in movies?
4. Maybe I'll eat cereal with chocolate soy milk for breakfast tomorrow
3. My asthma hasn't been bothering me much lately
2. Am I brushing my teeth too much, and causing my gums to recede more, or am I not brushing them enough?
1. How I purposely try to stay up late so that I can "sleep in" even though I'm getting the same amount of sleep, just waking up later in the day.

Four things you are waiting for.
4. Death
3. Summer to be over.
2. More "friends" to get fat or pregnant on facebook so that I'll have more entertainment.
1. Sleep

Three things you regret.
3. Pretty much all of my academic pursuits
2. Ever starting to drink in the first place
1. Microwaving my hand

Two websites you often visit.
2. Facebook
1. Youtube 

One thing that has changed your life forever.

1. I'm still, I'm still Jenny from the block.

 

Random WTF pic:

 

 I'm starting to recover from my crazy trip. And by that I mean I spent all day watching Corner Gas and knitting. That's a good thing. Getting out of bed is a good thing. No shame.

I've started a cool new pattern. Here is the link if you want to see it: http://d-made.com/knitting/patterns/hoodie_scarf.pdf

I've been thinking about making these for the holidays. Dear couple of people who read my blog, if you don't want one, say so. Provided I don't become a work-a-holic (LOL, kind of) in the fall I should be able to get some done. Really, I'm just excited that I learned to do cables. (if you look at the pattern you'll see what I mean). I love finding new patterns and then knitting tons of things in those patterns. Yes I'm blogging about knitting.

Other exciting things in my life include watching programs on the Comedy Central website. With our "fancy" TV channels we don't even get the Comedy channel, or A&E. Weird, I know. Anyways, there's one called "Upright Citizens Brigade". It's from the 90's. When I watch it I never really LOL, but feel extremely entertained afterwards. Have you ever seen it? 



 

Last Thursday I took the (effin) Greyhound bus to Selkirk, where my friend Kristi (sort of) lives. After staying a few days at her place we drove back to my house. She just left this morning. Needless to say, it's been a long exhausting week. 

I don't have much to say about it. It's weird - I feel like I have more to say about the days where I'm just sitting at home by myself.

... I tried to upload a picture of us in the crevices, but it's not working. If you come to Flin Flon, I'll take you there too. It's JUST like Lord of the Rings, so...

*edit* Check it:

 So on Thursday I'm catching a Greyhound to Selkirk. It's a 12 hour bus ride, so I hope I'll survive. Every time I take that bus I declare "I'm NEVER taking that bus again!" It's been a few years since I've taken it though, I'm hoping it's not as bad as I remember it being.

The reason that I'm catching this bus is because I'm going to meet one of my best friends, Kristi, there. I may not talk about her that much, we've been friends since kindergarten as she moved away in the 8th grade, but my friend Alex and I would visit her at least once a year, often by taking the bus. We always had a blast.

Things have changed though. In 2003 Alex died, and a few years later Kristi got a steady boyfriend (who I wasn't too crazy about). We started visiting less. This year it worked out that she's living with her parents for the summer (no bf!) and she doesn't currently have a job. So we just planned this spontaneous trip and my parents are pretty excited to have me go. I'm leaving on the 23rd, which would have been Alex's 22nd birthday. I really hope that I won't obsess about that and slip into some sort crying trance. I'm not planning on feeling bad, but sometimes it just happens.

I'm super nervous about taking this trip. Every time I think about it I want to vomit. I'm hoping that I'll feel better once I get there. Well, I'm actually counting on it. It's probably a good thing that this trip was so spur of the moment and I don't have that much time to dwell on it. I'm not totally stable yet, and I'm sure I won't get as much sleep as I'm used to, and I'll be super allergic to her cats, but the timing just seems to be right. I should probably get used to traveling, as I'm planning to go to Victoria in fall. (Not on a bus hopefully)

Here is a sideways picture of us when we were (16?)

 So, today actually turned out to be a good day.

- In the waiting room at my orthodontist's office my mom walked up to me and dropped a pile of celebrity gossip magazines on my lap, without me asking her to.
- It turns out my gums are receding because I brush my teeth too "aggressively". This isn't really a good thing, but I thought I'd throw it out there.
- I got a small chocolate frosty from Wendy's
- I got a prescription for more Ativan.
- My psychiatrist had an intern, (or whatever they are called) in with him today. I always love psyching them out by ignoring them or making them feel uncomfortable. While it sounds mean, I'm actually doing them a favor by preparing them for their future careers.
- Trivial Pursuit was on in the waiting room, and I knew tons of answers.
- We bought two chairs at the Brick and had to carry them across the mall to where our car was parked. When we got tired we just put the chairs on the floor and sat on them. 
-There was a bitchin' storm outside.

Little things like these cheer me up.

I don't want to sound like Cathy from the comic strip "Cathy", or anything, but my mom is driving me crazy!
Also, tomorrow she is driving me to Prince Albert for orthodontist and psychiatrist appointments.

A few facts:

- My mom used to worry about me when I got obsessed with things (as I so often do). She's started watching Pride and Prejudice everyday again. I no longer try to hide my obsessions, or feel bad about them at all. 

- Yesterday I said that I couldn't wait to move out of here and she called me "restless". When I asked her what she meant by that she said "Well it seems like since you've cut your dose of Zyprexa in half you've just been sad all the time". This really hit a nerve. I've actually been feeling a lot better lately, and at the slightest hint of me leaving she thinks I'm going manic or something. I think if it were up to her, I'd be walking around here like a zombie, doing laundry all day.

- This evening I drank three beers. She looked at me with disgust and said "Your doctor is going to know that you drank last night. You'll be so upset tomorrow". Really? From three beers in an evening? 

- Whenever I show any kind of emotion she says I'm being "moody". Okay, I have a mood disorder, but I can still feel mad and sad like normal people. There's nothing wrong with that. At all. I'm completely fine. She can't just keep playing the "bipolar" card. First of all, it's my card, and secondly, it's a total bust. With what little I know about card games, I assume she'd lose a lot of money, but in this case, she's gambling with my patience. And she's in the hole.

In sum, it's like there's something wrong with me because I don't have a positive attitude. 
*sigh*
I feel like I can't trust her at all and that she's just trying to use everything I do against me.

I think I'll have a chat with her tomorrow, though she'll no doubt dismiss my concerns as grumpy ramblings because I drank last night.

*double sigh*


 

 I feel like an old person, and here's why:

Most days, I don't really do much but it rarely bores me. Today was the finale of my show, which I thoroughly enjoyed to the max. Except now, my heart is just racing. I got waAaAaayy too excited about it. I can't sleep! Thoughts are just racing over and over in my head, and I can't slow them down. It's ridiculous to think I'm freaking out this much. But I am. This is why I've decided to stop solving mysteries. For now, at least.
Too much.
Yeah, I don't have any Ativan.

 I have it! I have the disease! 

No, I don't.

I know that I've previously dismissed D'Arcy's sickness as the result of something stupid he did. But it seems like it isn't. 

I keep having flashbacks of how sick I was this winter, and I really don't want that to happen again. I hate not being able to breathe properly, it always worries me. (I have asthma and it always gets worse when I'm sick)  I mean, I might not get sick, but all of his friends did.
D'Arcy said he hopes I get it and has made no efforts to limit the spread of germs.

Either way, today I picked up a stash of my old friend - Buckley's nighttime formula. If I'm not sick within the next few days, I probably won't get sick. Hope. Hope. Hope.

 My brother (D'Arcy / Alfie)  just got back from a concert in Winnipeg. He's been there for six days. During his trip he got assaulted by some random guy outside of his hotel and got so sick that he had to stay there for two extra days because he didn't have the energy to drive home.

 

I think his sickness is due to dehydration, or is drug-related. My mom has absolutely convinced herself that he has the Swine Flu. She's trying to quarantine him in the basement and is wiping off all the surfaces that he's been using. It's super annoying. I'm not worried that I'll get it, because I don't think it's actually the flu, and I feel sick most days anyways. 

That's it.

 Things around here have been pretty chill. Tonight my parents' church is throwing a huge party and giving away hotdogs and icecream  to prove to the world that Christians like to party too. Last year I was there, and drunk. This year I'll be staying home. There is no way the fire works will be as good as they were last year. I can't imagine how spectacular they will be in Victoria.

In other news,I think Micheal Jackson's death was the best thing that could have ever happened to Jon and Kate. As you probably know, I've been addicted to this show called "Harper's Island" (or "Herpes Island" as it is called by my little brother). It's a 13 episode mini-series where more and more characters die each episode. Anyways, I've become so attached to the characters that it pains me to watch the episodes every week. Two more left. I love the show, but I just get so sad about my friends the characters dying.

In other news, I've been having dreams about being betrayed recently. I don't want to sound like Jesus or anything, but one of you will betray me!! Probably not though. 

Happy Canada Day Eve. I hope that you get to eat cake tonight.

Here is a picture from last Canada Day.  Alysha, her cousin, and I are standing in front of an alien display in front of the church.

 Today I thought I would wear flats for my walk. Behold the aftermath:

 I know that you secretly wonder what I do with my time, since I don't have a job or any friends here.
Ok, maybe you could easily guess what I'm doing. But now you don't have to!
For a limited time I'll tell you the latest news about my life

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I've been watching episodes of SNL from 2005 and during weekend update I always want to warn them about the future. They have no idea about what is going to happen. I also like to hear them talk about current events, it takes me back to the good mediocre old days.
My two favorite events that they focus on:
1. When Dick Cheney shot that person in the face
2. When Kanye West said "George Bush doesn't care about black people" on a live telethon with  Mike Myers. That was pretty much my favorite moment in television history.

I finally moved on to a new knitting pattern. I made a cool fingerless glove. On the pattern it boasts that since it doesn't have fingers, you can knit while wearing one!!
Anyways, I'm not happy with the way it turned out so I'm going to try the next pair on circular needles, then I'll post a photo. I'm pretty excited about it, since I've pretty much been knitting the same old scarves and hats for the past year. 

I've been walking two miles a day, which feels pretty good. Ever since the lithium poisoning I haven't been moving around much, so the exercise feels wonderful and I don't seem to have any permanent nerve damage, which I am pretty psyched about.

I'm slowly starting to read again, which is good because I have a ton of books that have been neglected. Sometimes in the mornings I sit on the balcony upstairs with a book and a cup of green tea. It's nice.
Here is an old motivational picture I made for my lithium-fueled fake political campaign to trick people into being friends with me:

 Last week I went to church to help out with the computer work, and by that I mean I used "easyworship" to switch around slides for songs and sermon notes. Believe it or not, there are very few people at the church who are capable of doing this.
I was pretty distraught about going, but I said that I would do it. So I went. 
I was in a pretty big haze the whole time, but was thankful that no tried to hug me, give me a "shalom" handshake, or even talk to me. I rushed out as soon as the service was done.
Today my mom told me that the Pastor asked her if he should talk to me at the service, like just to say hi, and she said "No, she might never come again. She'll talk to you if SHE feels like it"
Wow.
I was so shocked to hear that, but it's actually completely accurate.
I need to work at being more friendly.

 I've decided to do a segment on church stories. I have a lot of them. This week's segment takes place on Easter Sunday, when I was 13 years old.
After the service was over, we had to suffer through another hour of having lunch in the basement. There were pretty much no other kids my age, besides my brothers, who attended church. We were often bored, and resorted to whatever we could to entertain ourselves. I like to think that we were the MacGyvers of young, bored, Baptist church attendees. Whether we were burning the black edges off of ham slices, signing the guestbook with fake names, or pew sliding, we had a good time. 
As I sat down at the table, I noticed that some of the cheese on my plate was moldy. I was not surprised by the blue fuzz on my cheese, because there were a lot of extremely old people at my church, who often brought questionable dishes. My rational judgement was blinded by boredom, and I decided that it would be hilarious if I ate the cheese. 
I ate the cheese.
It tasted absolutely rancid, but I felt fine for the rest of the day.
Since it was Easter, I ate 5 times more food than I normally did.
After a whole day of feasting I decided to get to bed early. I soon started to feel ill, so I brought an empty icecream bucket into my room. 
Then, I puked up so much food that it filled the entire bucket.

Only part of me regrets it.

 So, today I decided that I would stop feeling sorry for myself. Most of the time I get really frustrated, because I think about my past abilities, and think that I should still be able to do all those things, like reading for hours, staying up for days at a time without being tired, being good at a job, being creative, etc. I'm not good at that many things anymore, but it's okay. Me being pissed off about it won't change my situation. I'm going to try to do my best to work things out, even though it's not my "best", it's all I can expect. So if I fall on face, my face will hurt. BFD. 

I've been watching SNL episodes that I downloaded onto my computer, and I laugh so hard at the ones where Governor Patterson tirelessly insults New Jersey on Weekend Update. I've never been to New Jersey, nor do I know anything about it. But I've been looking at New Jersey jokes online. They are the new "yo' mama" jokes. You heard it here first. Here is an example of a NJ joke: http://shopjerseyshore.com/applicationjoke.html

Also, I reached a personal best wpm score on typeracer today, so I feel pretty good about that. Life is mediocre :)

 

 A couple of hours ago I realized that my mom was using dog psychology against me in an attempt to control me.
Busted.
I say this because whenever I complain about my failing, wretched, body she says absolutely nothing in return.
This is a technique that Caesar Milan (Dog Whisperer)  teaches. Here is an example: 

Roofy is scared every time there is a thunderstorm. He whines and hides in the corner.

Your first instinct would be to comfort Roofy and give him treats to calm him down. But these actions make  Roofy think that his reaction to thunderstorms is appropriate and rewarding behavior. 

So if she talked with me about my problems or gave me any attention I would think that complaining is the right thing to do.

I may be a bitch, but I'm not a dog.

I'm fine with it though. I've been taking out my frustrations on a family of dinosaurs.

 

 

 I think everyone at my house has given up on excelling at life. When I was younger my parents were extremely strict, causing me to have the self-discipline of a bad-ass animal with heightened self-discipline.
When I was a young teenager, my mother got me these Christian teen magazines. On the last page of every issue there was a column where a Christian music expert reviewed CDs and answered readers' questions about whether or not the music they were listening to had a good message.
They never had good messages. He even cautioned readers about the sexual undertones of Hillary Duff's music. I remember once he said The Best of the Beatles CD was good, as long as you skipped one of the songs.
This seems like such a simple thing, but it has kind of scarred me for life. Whenever I'm at home, I am always concerned that everything I do will upset my parents and make me a horrible person. 
Even now that they don't care so much, the disapproval has been branded on me. 
Now I am listening to that Beatles CD, and I'm not skipping any songs.
I am so afraid.